{"id":27030,"date":"2021-11-03T10:43:40","date_gmt":"2021-11-03T10:43:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.franklincovey.de\/2021\/11\/03\/the-art-of-apologising-how-to-get-it-right-when-you-get-it-wrong\/"},"modified":"2023-03-03T11:42:32","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T11:42:32","slug":"the-art-of-apologising-how-to-get-it-right-when-you-get-it-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.franklincovey.de\/de\/2021\/11\/03\/the-art-of-apologising-how-to-get-it-right-when-you-get-it-wrong\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Apologising: How to Get it Right When You Get it Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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How many times have you had to apologise this past year and a half? Or rather…how many times have you felt someone else ought to?<\/h3>\n

A misguided sense of anonymity via remote working, mismatched experiences and unprecedented uncertainty has led to a rise in spikiness. Defensiveness. During the pandemic many became accustomed to communicating in ways not previously accepted; Inhibitions were muted, office gossip took on a new form, and differing perspectives got lost in digital translation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now with the return to the office for many underway to some extent,\u00a0 following close behind the sigh of relief at the social interaction is the realisation that relationships have changed, maybe siloes have been solidified and individuals have new limits.<\/span> Leaders being the change they want to see in others has never been so relevant.<\/p>\n

Companies with compromised leadership credibility will recover slower and achieve lower. The stakes are high, and nothing kills a rapport of trust and respect dead more quickly than an insincere, or non-existent, apology.<\/p>\n

Luckily, the right kind of apology can diffuse even the stickiest of situations, creating an opportunity for trust<\/a> to flourish and leave<\/span>\u00a0a positive impression that outlasts the memories of what went wrong. This is an essential skill for leaders who must learn to go first now more than ever…but unsurprisingly, it\u2019s not easy.<\/p>\n

Beware an overdrawn Emotional Bank Account<\/strong><\/h3>\n

First off, quality apologies matter because people don\u2019t forget. They quantify, carry, count and tally. We don\u2019t like to get caught on the back foot. As such, the quality of our interactions translates directly into transactions in and out of\u00a0 what we at FranklinCovey call our <\/span>emotional bank accounts.<\/b><\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When we make deposits, we are <\/span>building trust.\u00a0 When we disappoint, mishandle a situation, or behave in a way lacking integrity, we are depleting trust and making a withdrawal from that account.<\/p>\n

When the balance becomes low- or even overdrawn- the relationship may be at breaking point and emotional compensation needs to be made promptly and sincerely.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

An artful apologiser is someone who is self-aware and compassionate enough to intentionally monitor their EBA, and understand when a deposit needs to be made, and what type, to remedy the relationship. Everyone has unique needs, standards and sensitivities. The high-trust behaviour<\/a> that constitutes a sufficient deposit to one person, may not to another.<\/p>\n

Like our actions, not all apologies are created equal<\/strong><\/h3>\n

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Nothing screams insincerity like a quick placation that skips over the feedback straight to the \u201csorry\u201d, or an apology so over-egged that it becomes self-indulgent and manipulative.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For leaders, a failure to right wrongs in an unconditional, non judgemental, timely and plain-talking manner can incur trust taxes amongst their team that can be difficult to recoup. Team members will eventually begin to side-step you, be slowed down by second-guessing or disengage from what once excited them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUnexpressed feelings never die. They are buried alive and come back later in uglier ways.\u201d- Stephen R. Covey<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

To repair damage you need to show you genuinely care, and want to understand their frame of reference. If employees see their boss own a badly handled moment in a meeting, recognise a broken commitment, hear their grievance and commit to a positive action, they\u2019ll feel empowered and valued- what is there to argue with?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In turn, these employees will follow suit in the way they themselves behave.<\/p>\n

But what if you don’t even believe you\u2019re in the wrong?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Let\u2019s be real. Leaders are people, and it is a very human gut-reaction to excuse, rationalise, minimise and defend ourselves in a situation where we feel confronted or misunderstood. Especially during times of crisis. What ultimately determines our level of maturity however, is how fleeting we allow those feelings to be, whether or not we voice them, and how we act as a result. <\/span>\u00a0Whether we think just we’re important, or all parties are important.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s an unrealistic expectation that nothing will ever go wrong, that you will never let someone down, or that you will never offend someone. It\u2019s also unrealistic to expect that intent always equals impact.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We find that this observation by Dr Stephen R. Covey and Stephen M.R Covey, is often a lightbulb moment:<\/span><\/p>\n

We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Essentially, we typically hold ourselves in much higher esteem than we do everyone else- an awkward admittance but true nonetheless. Subconsciously or not, we\u2019re more likely to give ourselves a break because we know our heart is in the right place, that what they think is not what we meant, that we work really hard…whereas we can\u2019t be sure<\/i> of all of that when it comes to our colleagues, can we?<\/p>\n

This problematic mindset is so pervasive because it is so natural, and indiscriminate across hierarchies. In fact, FranklinCovey data on <\/span>The 4 Cores of Credibility<\/a> reveals that on average, people give themselves a score of 94% for integrity and 92% for intent, but everyone else 63% and 60% respectively.<\/p>\n

The next time you find yourself at odds with a colleague or frustrated with a direct report, ask yourself: is it likely<\/em> you have 30% more integrity than them, or do you need to suspend judgment?<\/p>\n

The glaring gap in perception here creates the perfect conditions for working at cross purposes.\u00a0\u00a0High-performing teams are high-trust teams who are able to see their actions through the eyes of others, and hold each other accountable in a respectful way.<\/p>\n

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Empathy is everything<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

The importance of empathy in the professional world is not news, but living up to it it is still elusive and inconsistent for many. The recent <\/span>State of Workplace Empathy study <\/span><\/a>makes for some interesting reading.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whilst on the one hand 72% of surveyed employees rated both their organisation and CEO as empathetic in 2021, key drivers of empathy in the workplace- HR Professionals and CEOs- were less confident:<\/span><\/p>\n